I came, I saw, I trolled

I have many friends on Steam. The two concerned here are [Naked]Double and Chicago Ted. Ted and Double were also friends, but Ted got a little strange on Double and he deleted Ted from his list. Shortly thereafter, Chicago Ted sent me several minutes' worth of ranting and raving that he'd been deleted. A few days passed and I decided to drop ol' Ted a line and see how things were going. (has been slightly edited for explicit content)

G: It doesn't look like Naked Double wants to be friends at all
Ted: QQ
G: He was put off by you asking me to get his mailing address...
Ted: what?
Ted: wtf?
Ted: i never asked you to get his mailing adress
G: He gave me a PO box
Ted: and what
Ted: O.O
Ted: O.O i'm confizzled
G: I don't think they can fit candies and flowers in a PO box.
G: I guess you could always wait by that box for him to show up
Ted: O.O
G: Do you want me to ask him what time he gets his mail?
Ted: what the hell T_T im confused
G: PO box = Post Office box. It doesn't mean "Pissed Off" He's not MAD, he's just getting his mail..and a little wary of the possibility of stalkers.
Ted: O.O
G: I think your keyboard might be broken. O.O Say, I have him in voice chat right now and he sounds pretty miserable. I'm not sure how to console him.
Ted: O.O
Ted: ummm we can 3 way chat
Your chat with Ted is now a multi-user chat.
Ted: give me a sec
Ted: hes joining
G: Well, he's been mumbling about microwave popcorn, hot dogs and Cindy Lauper. It's also very hot at my house today, so I might be thinking about Andre the Giant instead.
Ted: U INTO WWE TOO?
G: No, I'm too small. You must work out.
G: I had this dog that had muscles once, but it bit my friend and the police came and got him. Not my friend. The dog.
G: Double hasn't joined us yet. He's still distraught over girls that just wanna have fun. Did you invite him?
G: He said that you showed up in one of his games after he deleted you as a friend. It apparently freaked him out, coming so soon after the breakup. He's concerned that you keylogged his IP and might be dousing his Firewall with AntiNorton.
G: I had a clanmate that tried that on this guy and he actually was able to take control of him as Bill AND check out his latest stock trades.
G: Ted, are you still there?
Ted: yeah
G: I was hoping to resolve this.
Ted: O.O
G: What is that? Hacker code?
Ted: im not a stalker tho
Ted: O.O
Ted: no
G: I'm not going to get hacked through Steam Chat.
G: I have McAfee's Steam Chat Hack Wall v 3.1.3 up, so forget it.
G: Did you get a hold of Double yet?
G: He hasn't left voice chat with me. Are you in his game again?
G: That might violate the no-contact order he filed with Valve. He also had to register with Mashoon, Snayke and Badger, LLC. I heard that gets repetitive. Are you still there?
Ted: he left
Ted: he had to go
Ted: dude
G: Hmm?
Ted: its not hacking if u follow somebody games
G: Well, it's not an Aimbot, but I'm a little creeped out by the hacker code you keep typing.
Ted: WAT HACKER CODE
G: I looked it up on Wikipedia, but they didn't have it
Ted: dude, no hacker code..
Ted: what makes u think im a hacker
Ted: srsly
G: You can't fool me into typing it and being a hacker.
Ted: dude
Ted: holy crap, its easy to join people games when they're not in your friends list
G: I have a clean machine, except for uTorrent, Daemon Tools Lite and the Dutch Rudder. warning: explicit content
Ted: u want me to teach u how i followed double?
G: That kind of stuff leads to hanging out at PO boxes. Did you read about the Korean kid that waited for an online buddy at a coffee shop?
Ted: DU8DE
Ted: OMG
Ted: LOOK ITS NOT HARD, WATCH ILL TEACH U RIGHT NOW
G: Apparently, when the other guy showed up, it was his dad and they fell in love.
Ted: O.O
Ted: look
G: shit
G: I got my firewall up.
Ted: you had double on his friends
Ted: i rightclick your name
Ted: and clicked view steam page
Ted: then i was searching people who were playing L4D to play w/ to
Ted: i came across double's
Ted: and i clicked JOINED
Ted: easy as shit
Ted: dam i aint no crazy bitch ass stalker
G: You're getting into things that cross the line between reality and playing L4D2.
Ted: omg, yeah i dont get this
Ted: i dont get whats going on!
Ted: tell me
Ted: please
Ted: im confused
G: I just want you to not hack me. I feel like a teenage girl in a Friday the 13th movie. One with a low budget.
Ted: IM NOT A HACKER
Ted: DUDE, HOW DO I HACK
Ted: T_T
G: I got hacked on once when i was in Kuwait. It's a sign of disrespect.
Ted: how do i hack
G: I assume by constricting your throat and compressing your diaphragm. You may even hunch your back. I think Double was scared and logged to get the police.
Ted: what?
Ted: dude wtf
G: He told me that someone was "breaking in and stealing his identity" whatever that means
Ted: dude wtf
G: Do you think if I started hacking, I could find out how he's doing?
G: o.O
G: Is that right?
Ted: i dont know, i dont fucking hack
G: My cat does. Double also said he was taking a break from l4D until he had something to protect himself
G: What did you say to him in that game?
Ted: i just said hey
G: O.o.O
Ted: O.O
G: Hacker code! I get it now.
Ted: what
Ted: DUDE WTF
Ted: VITAMIN
Ted: STFU
G: It's like an owl with a small beak
Ted: I DONT HACK
G: I'm starting to pick it up, I think. I should right click when I do it, right?
Ted: RIGHTCLICK WHAT T_T
G: The owl with the small beak. Should I hunch my back?
Ted: O.O
Ted: what?
Ted: what youtube video am i watching
G: Rickroll.
Ted: no
G: Double just showed up here. He's a RL friend here in Tacoma. You want me to put him on?
Ted: no dude
Ted: i dont get wtf is going on
Ted: jesus christ
G: hey ted
G: look i had to get away from my computer cuz my gf gets real odd about this kinda thing
Ted: dude, i dont hack yo
G: she's really into goth and lesbianism and totally against computers and is scared that they will take over
Ted: but i dont get it, why are u guys calling me a hacker
G: so when you follow me to my games, she gets real odd. last time, she threatened me with our old can opener. that shit gets old.
Ted: dude, i just went to view profile in vitamin G's friendslist, and clicked JOIN
Ted: easy as shit....
Ted: and your in the clan
G: when you call me a '(string of horrid curse words - edited)' she thinks that you're stealing our bank info bcuz that don't make sense
Ted: O.O
Ted: wtf
Ted: its just random words
Ted: dude, i swear
G: ok, she just called me and is pretty pissed. i need to get back over there.
Ted: but dude, i dont hack
Ted: T_T
Ted: i just put random words
G: All right, dude. He jetted. I can't believe that crazy bitch. Can you?
G: I mean...it's ELEVEN OCLOCK and she's calling for him.
Ted: idk man their life but still dude, i didnt do shit
G: Other than that, she's a sweet girl.
G: You should see her with her girlfriend, too. HAWT. I wish Double'd tape that shit and let me fap to it.
Ted: ....
G: Ah well. So, can the feds track what you do?
Ted: DUDE I DONT HACK
Ted: HOLY SHIT
Ted: jesus christ ya'll pissing me off
G: wht the fuck is wrong with my computer now? the key doesn't work nymore.
Ted: I DIDNT DO SHIT
Ted: GOD DANG
Ted: JESUS CHRIST MAN
Ted: EVERYBODY ALWAYS BLAMING ME ON SHIT
G: oh, but YOU cn type them just fine
Ted: I DIDNT DO SHIT
Ted: ....
G: i think tht i might hve virus
G: why?
Ted: omfg
Ted: screw this, im out
Ted: pissing me off
G: why dd you do ths t m? wht dd do to you?
Ted: I DIDNT DO SHIT
Ted: OMFG
Ted: SRSLY STFU
Ted: GOD DANG IM GETTING PISSED
G: m losng more letters nw sht cnt typ
G: wtf?
G: ... --- ...
G: O.O